take two of these

dear diary,
don’t you love when you find those friends you can stay up with all night long? that kind of pal that you simply hang with, sleep being no issue whatsoever. i thought i would never find that world again after college. i think i might have. i am sitting with a few cats and a few kids having the best time ever listening to music and looking at magazines.

oh! news! i now have wireless internet access in my house. not the most amazing feat of technology, but rather novel for me. it’s been a while since the electrician moved out. just lovely to be able to download music from anywhere in the house.

i’m listening to the mountain goats….drinking sierra nevada….it’s three in the morning. i love the people i’m looking at. life couldn’t get much better than this.

“you better be nice or the easter bunny is gonna strike your name out of the little red book with the silver hinges he carries”. heed those words. a very important mesage from our friends, the mountain goats.

good night.
-doc

dear diary,

i know. i know. i’m hanging my head in shame. i know it’s not funny, i’m not laughing….o.k. i’m only laughing out of nervousness.
i’m sorry i ran off for a while and didn’t tell you where i went. i do that sometimes. god. don’t get so fucking possessive. i’m back now, enjoy my company.
so. what has the old doctor been up to. now that is an interesting question. what hasn’t the doctor been up to is something i’d like to know. and being said doctor it migh tbe quite important to know so i can go out and do those things.
well. shall i start in the foreground and roll right on backward? i think i shall.
i’m sitting at my friend, Justins, computer right now. i love him. he is sick in bed with a sore throat right now and i brought him tea and olbas cough oil. did you know that plaintains are an expectorant? i know that now…see…never stop learning. never. do you hear me?
anyway. i am going to take a break from this blog entry to go get a burrito.
what? what’s that blog? you can’t possibly be chastising me for going to get food? i just got here? yeah…well when am i supposed to eat? god..augh. relationships are sooo frustrating.
be right back.
-doc

dear diary…
ok. i’m back. i didn’t reallv even log off like i thought i did. so i ate tacos. i really don’t ever eat burritos. something about the texture of them makes me feel kind of sick. and i think i don’t like all those different foods mashed together into a tube like concoction. it makes me feel like i am eating too much. it’s strange how somewhat obsessive people are about burritos and that i don’t really like them much at all. i had dinner with some friends the other night and this guy, who lives in peru, was talking about how they don’t have burritos in peru and how dumb the peruvians were for not throwing all their ingredients into a tortilla and making a burrito. it really pissed me off that he said that. because reason #1…how lame to call ‘peruvians’ ‘dumb’ for not making a certain food. maybe they just think they’re gross and we dumb americans will stuff anything convenient down our throats for the sheer fillingness of it. and #2 maybe not everybody thinks burritos are the worlds perfect food. i don’t.

i digress. so moving backwards in time….the most recent event to stimulate my senses was going to see Dolly Parton in Golden Gate Park this past sunday. Fan-fuckin- tastic. i stayed up all night the night before….wich i will discuss as i move backwards. but this sunday i was totally cracked out in a little british bad boy outfit, no sleep, filled with predawn whiskey and an overly cheesy omelet. my friend justin, who i mentioned above and i went to pick up our friend rebecca and kick started the morning with some 16th and valencia belligerence. we drove over to the park and parked…it was probably 10 in the morning or so….maybe a little earlier. we hiked along a little turtle filled lake and down a steep hill into this meadow where the bluegrass festival was occurring……set up a blanket at the Star Stage…and promptly planted our asses for the rest of the day. which turned out to be a brilliant idea considering that by the time Dolly played we had probably 12 people all smash ass up on the blanket….and there was a further ocean of bodies in every direction. all the kids showed up for the Dolly love fest… we had a little food and some beers that floated around a bit but mostly it was just sweet goofy lovin’ amongst friends. it’s been a while since i felt the power of that out in the sunlight with super good crowd vibes all around. i had the best time ever. rebecca’’s liz showed up nice and early…justin’s isabelle showed up too and we hunted down some pot cookies and sang and danced along to the blue sequined god-ess that is Dolly Parton. i had the biggest smile on my face…sleep deprived….dirty as an 11 yr old camper all wrapped up in happy with my favorite people. life couldn’t get much better on that Sunday in the Park.

Moving backward. Justin and Isabelle and i went to see the Overcoat at ACT….quite the serendipitous story. Justin and i had been going through a bit of tension the past week. well, really all three of us had..we finally bonded again that Saturday and i had to score some quick tix for this play we all wanted to see. so i dialed up ACT and in a fit of crazy theater genius suaveness i reached my boss who hooked me up with comps in about thirty seconds. boy was i slick that day. comps to a sold out show. we went up to that hotel on the corner and had really strong drinks and then rolled into the show, which was amazing. then isabelle took off to meet up with her mom and j. and i went to have our adventure. the adventure ended up being a little bit of bar hopping, then meeting up with some super rad women all filled with good stories…then heading over to my parents apartment to drink some beer and talk all night about stuff. the sun came up and we were still rambling on, making each other laugh and almost cry…..it was good…

jumping to present tense. justin is up and eating soup! hurray for the powers of healing. he still looks a bit torn up, but i think life is getting better.

somewhere in the backward progression of story telling there was Folsom St. Fair…i dressed like a rugby player. the lady i was with like a field hockey player. it was pretty legendary. the highlight was that i painted a black eye onto my cheek and freaked out all the leather daddies who cringed and kept asking me “who did that to you?”…the lesbians all said “hope that was fun.”..
it was awesome. i kept thinking to myself. “you have huge rings through your cock…and apparently practice really heavy s/m….and you’re freaking out about my black eye?”…yeah. funny shit.

moving further back in time i went to australia at the beginning of september. with my parents. for abou t10 days. i got to scuba dive every day, which i hadn’t done in years. that was pretty spectacular. i did get super frustrated with the folks. i definitely like my schedule of spending about 2-3 hours with them at a time….lots less aggravation. but the trip was beautiful…maybe not all the choices i would make. sydney is great. i could easily see myself moving there to get away from everything and starting a theater company in an arts supportive place. but… i won’t. i like s.f. too much.

that’s probably most of what’s happened to me in the last couple of months. i haven’t had internet access for a long time with the disintegration of my household….the dsl was dismantled and i don’t know how to fix it. how sad is that. i think sometimes the worst thing about living with someone is the dependency on certain chores you grow into and then there’s these things you no longer know how to do yourself because you haven’t been keeping up. for me electronics is that area. my ex would always hook up stereos and t.v. stuff…and computer stuff and never really include me in that so i’d learn too. now i have no fucking clue where to begin…or even where instructions would be found.

but anyway, since my departure from online communication that’s all that’s happened. i mean, outside of the relationship realm i suppose. but those are person to person stories. oh, and if anybody wants to move to the east bay to a bedroom with a private bathroom and private entrance and loft…carpeted…sunny…to be my room-mate. just holler. i think i’m looking again.

love,
doc

dear diary,

i don’t quite know what that subject heading means, but i’m really not concerned with it’s relativity at the present time.
i saw a show tonight, that a friend was in and wrote. it was a very interesting juxtaposition to the shows i was involved in/saw the two nights prior.

i’m having an artistic crisis. and i’ve realized, after trying to explain it to people, that it isn’t really easily vocalized. i just feel this ‘underwhelment’ with my work, and i don’t know if that is the context of where i see my work presented or if it’s just that i kind of suck. i’d love to think it’s the previous, but i’m kind of scared to know it’s the latter. i mean, i do surround myself with some pretty incredible people, and of course i would feel underwhelmed sometimes in the face of their brilliance….but it’s not even that..i just don’t feel like i have the proper forum for discussion…deep discussion…of my ideas. oh sigh.

i’m going to start workshopping something soon, that is quite hopeful.

you know what it is… i’m putting tons and tons of heartfelt work into things. people, relationships, love, life, health. making these gigantic leaps and bounds…and right now, karmically, i’m meant to give…which is great. i just have to relax into the notion that that is my purpose…to put forth, to purge of all the good stuff inside, and then…someday it will all snowball up and fall down onto me. yeah, that’s what i want to think right now.

today i ate a fantastic banana. truly fantastic. see? it’s beginning already.
i’m already a receiver of wonderful fruit…gotta start with something. geez…maybe that whole rant above sounds kind of selfish…i guess i’m just looking for a little light out of my cave of dissatisfaction. it’s summer…i should be constantly glowing.

it’s three in the morning, i have to work super early. oh. i found some incredibly cute shorts today. incredibly cute. i’m not wearing them though, not yet. i might just have to save them for a shorts kind of situation. because they are cute.

i made a ‘monkey license’ at camp today. if you don’t know what i’m talking about ask to see it. it’s my license to be a monkey.

i got to go diary. i’m sorry i only visit you in the little short dark hours. someday we will have unlimited time together. i promise.

love,
doc

dearest diary,

i have been so busy, i have not been able to keep up with my little journal. that is quite the shame.
these are the things that have happened recently.
1. i was slipped a rufie at the RITESPOT on 17th. do not go there. that was a miserable experience. no worries. i am totally fine thanks to good friends and my robust composition. we irish can synthesize pretty much anything with minimal effect, although i was nearly comatose for a few hours. jeez. people in the world can be serious assholes. please be careful out there my fine little feathery party friends. watch your drinks…please.
2. i am directing a benefit for a theater company and am having serious issues with space. anyone know any good cheap rehearsal space? huh? fess up.
3. i just ate a peach that was at perfect peach stage to drip all over my face and hands and clean shirt. but oh my god it was worth it. there’s really nothing better than a perfectly ripe summer fruit on a perfectly ripe summer day. talk about love incarnate.
4. i’m drinking instant coffee right this second. i went camping last weekend for a couple of days with some amazing people and we drank instant coffee and smoked cigarettes and hit on the mom at the camp site next door. folks….she was a hot mom. believe it. we totally lucked out with the camp site. i’ll get into my hot mom theory later. anyway. i am still drinking the left over coffee from the trip. it’s medaglia d’ oro instant espresso coffee…what’s funny about that is when i was a kid, in art class, our art teacher Mr. Cooper would always put out big buckets of water in these cans of medaglia d’oro…like these big big tin jars that used to house instant coffee…but now housed the water in which we dipped our painty brushes. i like(d) to paint a lot so i would always stare at these cans while i would think or take little breaks, and eventually i started to paint the cans, like a still life, whenever i wouldn’t have anything to paint. so i have this whole warholian series of medaglia d’oro coffee cans. somewhere. probably at my moms house or something. but as i got older i forgot what the cans actually looked like until this camping trip…and i didn’t tell anyone i was with but i would obsessively stare at the coffee label when nobody was looking. weird. huh? even weirder. this little jar of coffee became a character in a made up somewhat theatrical scene we created from a toy truck, a piece of tin foil, an american spirits cigarrette pack and a plant. the coffee was a character named Francesco…he was kind of a security guard. it’s a long story.
5. i just leaned way back in my chair to stretch while thinking of what to write next and fell over onto the ground.
6. i stubbed my toe really really hard on a log
7. i’m having a gigantic birthday party on august 13th. i want people to come to it. bring me some artwork or something useful for my house. any old furniture or weird sculpture-y things. yay.
8. i think i’d like to go on a ‘date’. like to the movies or a show. that would be fun. it would be fun to talk to someone kind of new and try to relate and just be on a ‘date’. hmm.. yes. that sounds fun. but i’m just saying that now after eating a perfect peach. my story will change in an hour or so.
9. i’m going to go finish doing laundry now, i don’t really have any interesting stories or revelations today. i slept too much for revelations…that’s always a result of some sort of starvation of the senses.

g’day diary…til some other time, then.
-doc

dear diary,

so it’s about 3 in the morning and i just can not get to sleep. i don’t know why. i feel tired most of the time, but then i have the chance to sleep and i just can’t take advantage of it. why is that?
is it some ingrained rebellion? is it some urge to defy a system? doesn’t make sense. i mean, healthfully i should just lay down and relax and drift off. but i lay down and i start thinking and the thinking leads me to want to wander. but it’s way too late to wander, it’s 3 in the morning. there’s nobody i can possibly call at 3 in the morning, even though i want to wander.
i suppose i could wander alone, but i don’t really feel safe wandering. right now i wish i had a roomate. a really close one that i could shake and wake up who wouldn’t be mad at me for doing so.
hmm. life is hard when you don’t follow the normal patterns of needs. i always need things when it’s the least appropriate. at least, that’s how i feel. as soon as someone is really busy i need their attention, or when they are mad at me. i need food when the fridge is empty because i haven’t needed food for the last two weeks so i rebel against buying any.
i tried excercising…that was good for about two minutes….i did a little regimen then lay in bed. i think it’s because i have to get up early, that is making me stay awake.
when i’m awake like this i always wonder who else is wide awake, and who else wishes they had something to do that didn’t follow the patterns. i wish i could go to the beach right now, just sit in the cold alone, or with someone near by that i didn’t have to talk to, just sit in the cold and shiver and feel the reality of the situation and think those deep down bone like thoughts and just stew and let the emotions wash over and away from me, then run like the dickens back to the truck and turn the heat up full blast and listen to some tom waits, or dale evans or something moody and nostalgic, and drive around and maybe get brown water coffee at some all night place…not necessarily to talk or reminisce but just sit and not sleep but pass the time while others are sleeping.
i know they’re out there somewhere. not sleeping. there’s not even anywhere to go. when i was younger i used to go drive around all night, but now, with gas being the melodrama that it is i feel a lot of guilt wasting my oil on ennui. it doesn’t seem fair to angstily drive around while people die for my fuel. it’s just not the same as it was prior to the removal of my ignorance. now i can only walk the perimeter of the house and hope my phone will magically ring for no good reason, although that might scare me a bit, it would still be a welcome startle that might tip my adrenaline glands into overactivity which in aftershock might lend a little relief and some welcome nodding off.
i’ve noticed i wante to ende a lot of wordes with the lettere ‘e’…as though i’m writing in olde english. i don’t know why…a symptom of insomia(e)? i don’t knowe, but i’m a likin’ the way that lookes.
o.k. now i’m chilly. i guess a bath is in order, or something. i know. slippers! nothing screams “go to sleep” like slippers do, plus i’ll waste a lot of energy looking for them…that’s the tickete.
my cousin is taking me to the ren faire this sunday. i’ve only been once before, it’s gonna be fantastic. i’m glad i’m getting prepared with my olde english typinge skills. maybe i can open a booth there translating new englishe into olde. that would be somethin’ else (that word already ended with an e and it’s new english…who knewe?)
o.k. i’ll stop before my inherent boredom leaks into others lives. maybe i need a new routine. that’s it, that will fix it.. a new routine.
oh. teaching is going well…lots of funny stories there. let me tell you…lots of stories.
stories for another time.
well i hope all you waking folk enjoy my story of post midnight confusion. and just for the record, if you’re ever wondering while you’re wide awake in the middle of the nighte who else is out there..try me. most likely i’m a companione in the rebellione against normale sleeping patterns.
love,
the doctore

dear diary,

i went grocery shopping! hoor-ay for me. let me tell you why this is a momentous event. i haven’t been grocery shopping since the break up. the real break up. in case anyone is unaware of the details please don’t ask me. the new realm of bachelorhood is hard for me right now. really fucking hard. and the shock just hit.

but! there is a bright side. and that is me growing up a little. going through something rough, and being alone to go through it. not moving away to avoid the feeling, not self destructing and going on an extended bender like i usually do, or meeting and diving into some hot new thing. rather… going through this horribly strange void on my own and coming out on the other side a bigger, brighter person. do y’all think that’s possible? i do. so it is. so be it, and it is.

back to the safeway. i went out with a friend tonight, and it was an early night fortunately. ( i always feel like i’m spelling that word wrong b.t.w.). so, ahem, i decided to go grocery shopping. well it’s really strange that i don’t know how to shop for myself. i can shop for others with great expertise. i could probably impeccably go grocery shopping for any of my friends, and i could definitely shop for any girlfriend i’ve ever had. part of my m.o. was being ‘the grocery shopper’. i could zip in and out of whole foods, or ralphs, or trader joes and just pick out their favorites and necessities and my few little likes/dislikes…like beer or a certain cheese or a specific almond butter i’d be fond of but not waste my energy on a store run just for it. i could come home and the fridge and cabinets be stocked and the food appreciated and used while it’s fresh and happy. i felt so successful at those moments.

tonight i found myself in the safeway, where i have only ever stopped for beer or last minute things such as flour, a wildly colored donut, or paprika. in said safeway i was just wandering around aimlessly with a basket on my arm not knowing what to buy. i have never felt emptier. i bought the things i think normal people buy. some eggs, soymilk, bread product, some cereal, some lunch-y stuff like carrots and apples. but i felt like i didn’t deserve to buy those things….? or i was just faking it. like maybe i was in a play where my character is supposed to buy ‘normal’ groceries.

sigh. i don’t know. i’m sorry my blog entries are so depressing as of late, they’ll pick up. i promise, dear readers.

right now those groceries are sitting in their bags on the floor of the kitchen. i’ll go and put them away now, but that was my grocery experience. wow. upon re-read that is super depressing. i guess i’m coping with some stuff…..and upon expression one figures some shit out.

funny story. i got cast in a movie. exciting news…yay! some money! i went to the second day of shooting and there was this camera operator there. he looked really really familiar. well, about a year and a half ago, when i was in pretty good shape i did a porn shoot, just stills…don’t get all excited. and the guy who shot the photos (on hire through a dyke porn company..very very nice ‘detached’ guy…just for the record) was the same guy who was working on this movie. i told my scene partner about it and relayed that he probably just doesn’t recognize me..but i know him, and this is how…blah blah..at that moment he comes up and says “i know you from somewhere”…my cheeks grew a bright shade of red, my scene partner laughed, i said “there was this photo shoot” and with a look of strange recognition he said “ah-ha” and walked away. it was a pretty spectacular moment.

so i tried to lighten things up with the second story. sorry about the extreme self indulgence that has threaded itself through the last few entries. i know you hate when i’m self indulgent, blog, i don’t mean to be..maybe even a little self pitying…i’ll try to stop. i know, you’re right…nobody likes to read about depressing stuff. all right. i promise the next one will be rowdy and absent of melodrama. i knew you’d understand, blog, that’s why i keep you around…sorry i’ve been so rough on you lately.

love,
dr. science

what do you guys think of my new format? is it gay? should i go back to the black?

dear diary,

so i was wrong. it was not a wasps nest, turns out it’s a yellow jacket nest. and get this! not only is it a yellow jackets nest, but it is up inside the roof of my house, and what i was seeing was only the little opening. they have moved in and completely taken up residence inside my house and i was only a few inches away from them swarming into my dining room. creep-y. i’m not afraid of bees or yellow jackets, but i’m afraid of large groups of things. i mean, i think everyone is. nothing’s wrong with a yellow jacket, but if there was a swarm in my dining room i’d freak the fuck out. like seriously freak out.

let’s think about this group thing for a second. nobody is afraid of a bunny. well, sorry, i’m sure there’s someone somewhere terrified of bunnies. we’re all terrified of something, commitment, snakes, the dark, for someone maybe it’s bunnies. not for me though. i’m tough. bunnies are a piece of cake. but! and this is a big BUT (momentous day…the doctor is using the shift key. i have this hatred of capital letters…) so this big BUT is…while i’m not afraid of bunnies if i walked out of the house and there was this big group of bunnies in the street i would get freaked the fuck out..just like if it were bees. i mean imagine a huge group of free range runnin’ bunnies. yikes to the max. like if i walked into the locker room at the “y” and there was a herd of kittens i’d run away really fast. kittens are cute, but who knows what groups of them can do.

i guess that means i have a sort of ‘group-a-phobia’..which of course is not a technical or medical term. i wonder if my nurse friend Elyse knows what that term is.

so a few other things i want to talk about kids.

first thing is this, and these things might sound preachy but i really need to get them out. i learned a couple of things this weekend.

1. don’t get mad if someone loses something of yours or causes you inconvenience. it’s not worth it, you’ll just feel dumb in a day or two when you’ve replaced that thing, or finished up the task that’s inconvenient. they didn’t mean to do it, and you’ll lose something of someone elses soon enough.

2. when you see a beehive, take care of it right away before the bee groups invade your dining room.

3. if you aren’t o.k. with something speak up. it’s ok not to be cool with everything. even if it makes someone else mad or sad it’s still your prerogative to voice it. the worst stuff happens when people say “yeah, that’s cool…i’m ok with that” but they aren’t and stuff gets beyond repair.

4. don’t use people as bargaining chips. don’t say ‘we broke up, i’m mad…you can’t be friends with my friends’ or “i’m pissed at you…you can’t ever communicate with my mom again” stuff like that. certainly with kids. it’s so jacked. really. the world is too fucking small, and too fucking short to pull that shit. be mad…say you never want to see someone again..but don’t use family, kids, friends, loved ones as leverage.

5. if you’re stuck between doing the right thing and something you really want to do evaluate who’s getting hurt and respect that…good things can be learned by a little discipline.

there. that’s a few things. sorry to be on a high horse, but i think i had to list that stuff for myself so i won’t do them again..or in the future. or whatever. a little lesson from the doctor to the doctor, and whoever else might just be listening.

now for fun stuff. the wasp guy left. i guess he’s now the yellow jacket guy, but that sounds confusing because it sounds like he’s wearing a yellow jacket. which he isn’t. i like wasp guy better. i love when i do that, (digression!!) when i crush out on someone but i don’t know their name so i call them the something something girl. like oooo…there’s the blue shirt girl again…or there’s the great smile girl again…swoon.
oh. i love that.

but. ok. sorry…i’m just happy to have learned all these lessons this weekend and can now have some fun and not morally question my motives. woo!
so. something that is funny to me in my head is that i always have this repair person fantasy. like, i imagine whenever i call a repair guy or girl that they are going to show up at the door and just be the hottest thing ever and we’re going to have crazy spontaneous sex just as soon as they finish fixing the dishwasher or cutting the tops off the trees…but it never works that way. ever. i got really close this one time when this hot girl showed up at the door from the human rights campaign. there was really great flirting and i thought ‘this is the one…this is when that fantasy comes true’ but then my neighbor came over and interrupted the whole fantasy and she left. sigh. but today i was totally thinking that about the wasp guy…and boy! was i wrong…he was certainly not my type…not even a little bit…but it was funny to think about writing this journal and him being right outside taking care of a yellow jacket nest not even knowing what i was up to…

so i guess if anyone knows any hot repair people that seem to be my type (not that i really even have a type)….subtly send them my way. “hey..doc…seems like you could really use a grout job on that tub…and boy do i know the hottest tub repair girl..she’s also a professional dancer and makes really good mai tais”….oooo howdy…i’ll be first in line.

but that’s not an invite to set me up…only in regards to my repair man fantasy….not in general. i’m so not ready to date and pretend to be interested in conversations over dinner or drinks. i’m hardly interested in conversations at all.

oh. i also lost my cel phone this weekend. so if i know you and like you….please send me an email with your number or give me a call and leave me a message so i know who you are.

thank you.

i’ll write again soon….as long as i don’t come into the room and it’s filled with groups of computers. that would be scary.

love,
doc

dear diary,

the wasp man never came!! funny story actually. actually, a funny one. listen. so i wait and wait for the wasp man and i’m even late to work hoping he’ll show up right when i’m actually leaving. so i ‘pretend’ to leave about 4 times. and why i am so excited for this dude to show up i’m not sure, maybe because i feel like a responsible home owner despite the fact that i feel like a bachelor and can’t pick my clothes up off the floor or pay my bills on time, and even if i could pay my bills on time it wouldn’t matter because i washed my checkbook, as in put it through the wash, seeing as i haven’t done my own laundry in three years because the girls i live with insist on doing it because they possess ‘delicates’. i don’t think i own those, if it doesn’t make it through the wash i don’t wear it. which means i guess i won’t be wearing my check book anytime soon. aurgh.

i digress. i was waiting for the wasp man and pretending to leave the house when i realized my garbage can was stolen. so i stole one from my neighbor, because it looked a lot like mine….and i’m really not in a proper state of mind to get all involved in the city of berkeleys municipal computerized phone jungle. then i felt guilty and took it back across the street but saw that their trash can was in their little driveway already and that trash can was mine, it was just put back wrong. so it was my can all along. no worries. i am not a receptacle thief.

so. oh. the wasp man. so he didn’t come and i was debating calling him, but i just didn’t want to and i decided i could berate him and be upset and why go through that. really.

so this morning (a very interesting morning and last night was had by me, but i don’t think i’m going to go into it here. not yet anyway.) the phone rang at about 8. i’m so exhausted but i answer because i’ve decided to try to answer every call from now on. so. it’s the wasp guy. and he was so so so sorry because he messed up and didn’t put me on the schedule and it was all his fault so he’s coming out personally this weekend to do it himself and charge me half price. isn’t that great? everything worked out. i still get to feel responsible, pay less than i would have, and get the adventure of waiting for him all over again…woo!

right now i’m having lukewarm lasagna for dinner. it’s kind of ok, but it tastes like it has mashed potato for a top. like a shepards pie mixed with lasagna. that’s weird. does ‘lasagna alla bolognese’ usually have mashed potato top?

i drank some whiskey last night and i woke up with that gross whiskey mouth. ick. i hate drinking right this second. i really want to stop all my vices and get healthy and responsible and pay my damn bills on time and not be the type of person who washes their checkbook. i think i can be, i just have to focus i guess on some smaller term goals.

such as: i’ve invited friends over to bbq on thursday. so by thursday the house has to be sparkly and the yard somewhat functional. i think that can happen. i set myself a deadline.

oh. by the way. my birthday is on august 13 and i’m having a big party. so if you live near me or are going to be in town and like me you should mark that on your calendar. it’s gonna be fun people. fun.

well. i think i’ll go finish my now cold mashed potato top lasagna and see what’s on tv. i think i want to go to a movie but i don’t know what’s playing. sigh.

ok. bye for now.

oh. p.s. my autistic friend wasn’t at camp today so i made new friends, but it wasn’t as fun. just for the record.
love,
doctor science

yeah. hi.

so it’s not that early of a morning. it’s really 11:30. but it’s before noon. i can’t start drinking yet and i’m still wary and hung over from the night before. so it’s morning.

i’m waiting for the wasp man to come today, there is a wasps nest outside of my house next to the dining room.
oh, speaking of which if anyone knows any fun, rowdy, cluttered yet clean, creative people looking for a cool place to live in the east bay around the beginning-mid-end of august i’d like to know all about it because it’s getting a bit empty feeling around the old homefront.

thomas, the cat, is being pretty supportive, he’s been around a lot. as long as i stay home nights and feed him he’ll come around and hang out in whatever room i’m in. that’s nice of him. i think that’s a fair trade. he’s a rather nice cat. but it is strange when he watches the whirlpool of the toilet flush with these big eyes. i feel as though he might jump in and be swept away.

augh! i just went to the door again to check and see if the wasp man was here. i hate not having a doorbell. i can’t hear anything. anything at all.

jeez. i’m so not clever right now. it’s really dissapointing. it must be a mix of frustration at waiting for the wasp man and lingering beer fuzz. i hate that mix of brain junk.

now thomas is laying on a steak knife. there’s a knife here for cutting tape from packages and he’s laying on it. well. i guess he knows what he’s doing.

augh! i can’t believe i’m writing a blog about my cat. how lamely lesbionic of me. i’m so ashamed! i can’t think of something better to write about? that’s gay! i’m totally turning into some single old fart puttering away in a big empty house with only a weird cat to entertain her. i hate that realization because now i’ll go overcompensate.

all right. i’m going to talk about the pride float. that’s less gay than talking about my cat? right? c’mon…right?
so. new college funded this float which was really a flat bed truck measuring 24 by 8 feet.. as in 24 feet long and 8 wide. the theme was punked out school boy rock and there were dancers and a live band singing/playing ’schools out for summer’ one of the best songs in the world. ever.
so my friend jessica asked me to help her design it, which turned into me designing and building the whole thing. to make a long story short it turned out fantastic after two nights of no sleep and no pride partying at all. i was also on the dance team so it was really fun to feel completely cracked out and have to put on a british schoolboy uniform and dance my ass off in the sun for 4 hours. it was the highlight of my summer and i can’t wait to do it next year. i have pictures…ask me and i’ll show em to you. they’re fantastic because jessica’s friend rich was one of our wheel monitors and he’s a professional photographer so he took some super rock star photos. really. nice.

god i feel like i’m boring my public. i’ll have to check in with my journal when something exciting happens and i’m not distracted by the potential wasp man.

sorry i let you down blog. this was a bad one. i know it. better luck next time.

sigh-
the doc